I can't think of many sounds as sad as a sick 1 year old. Ethan is making those sounds right now. It's heart wrenching. But its the sound of life- no matter the temporary affliction. There is something worse than that sound.
The sound of no baby at all.
Tomorrow would have been the ninth week of Carins pregnancy. The ninth week of our son or daughter. Ethans sister or brother. But God decided that was not going to be. That is His decision to make. While I can't see past the horizon of His plan that makes the the sunrise on the other side no less brilliant. No less worthy of wonder. I'm not one of those who looks at the pain in my story and denies the Author.
Instead I do see the beauty of life a little clearer, with a little less morning fog.
On the side of Life it says in bold, red letters FRAGILE ! Handle with care.
I have friends who have lost babies. Some as tiny as ours, some who arrived on their birthday without life. The thought of their sorrow feels like a stack of bricks on my chest.
Life has value. Those that think depriving a little one of his life for their convenience are warped.
I was looking forward to sometime in May,hearing the cries of our newborn. Seeing that pink little baby. Heck, even changing more diapers. Really. That excitement is postponed but I will look at our third baby with a new set of eyes and a new appreciation.
And I will thank God.
