Okay, so I have blogged about birthdays and how disinterested I was in them. And now I'm going to write about a birthday that won't happen for 10 1/2 years.
But remember, I left myself an out at the end of that blog post, "...birthdays are no big deal unless they mark years of wisdom gained".
A few years ago some great friends invited us to their sons 13th birthday celebration. They asked each adult male to be ready to share something with their son, some wisdom, some Bible verses. They wanted this to be the catapult to launch him into manhood. They documented this "rite of manhood" party in a book for Nick to refer back to in the future. And we were fortunate to attend the same event for their twin 15 year old boys.
I love this idea. I know its not new. Many cultures and religions have done similar things to prepare their future men, but it is something that our church culture has forgotten. We, as churched men, have neglected to hand over the responsibilities that we have. Or maybe we haven't even taken on our responsibilities and therefore have nothing to give?
I think far out to Ethan's 13th birthday and know that it will be here much to fast. I know, just as my friends knew with their boys, that we shouldn't wait for a birthday or as they are heading out the door on their own to give them our wisdom. That is clearly a day by day thing (Deut 6:4-7). But the celebration of manhood, of maturity and the requirement of young boys to seek those things alongside a desire for Godliness is an excellent thing. Such a celebration is not just a tool to admonish and encourage young men in maturity and righteousness but it is a reminder to the older men, the givers of advice, of their responsibility to grow the next generation.
Stay with me, we are going to take a different road now that will hopefully (if I am a good tour guide) bring us back to the same place.
I don't know exactly how it got started but several years ago one of my brothers and I half joked about an imaginary box that we dubbed "Gifted at Birth". When we came across something that seemed so essential to living we would say that it should be "Gifted at Birth". Given our predisposition to camping, guns and nature the items usually revolved around that. A hatchet that was so well built that it was something every man should have, or a rugged pocket knife that had served us well, or a .22 pistol that one could train a novice with and yet a skilled man could use to bring home dinner. These were the things that one would receive in the mythical G@B box.
Do you see where I'm going here? Or have I got lost in my own little world? Its been known to happen.
Maybe I have read to many Art of Manliness blog posts. Or I remember the Happy Hollister books from my childhood way to well. I dunno.
I see symbolism. Does that scare you?
Baptism.
Communion.
Here is my idea.
A box containing Symbols of manhood. Reminders of his Creator. Useful tools to a man.
To my son these gifts would be different, possibly, from what another father doing the same thing might gift to his son. But, in my mind, the goal and the symbol would be very similar.
First, the box could be as simple as an ammo can or as elaborate as a handcrafted wood box. But it would be sturdy and of good quality. I like the ammo can. It's former contents symbolic of the items necessary to attack life's problems. Plus ammo can are cool.
All the items should be of the highest quality that a man could afford. These could be handed down to grandchildren. You don't want a stingy legacy. They should be much like wisdom and just as useful in every day life. And if you're in my situation you have a few years to save up.
Some basics for my son:
(And obviously these should be tailored to the interests of your son and mine may change as Ethan grows)
• a pocket knife. Sturdy, its always useful and always prepared.
• a book of poetry. Recognize beauty, stretch the brain.
• a favorite book of mine. Or four.
• a collection of wisdom and advice from the men present for his passage into manhood.
• a Zippo lighter. It is always handy to have the ability to start a fire and Zippos are an icon of that.
The ideas I have would probably overflow the box if I decide to give all of them.
Remember, this is a gift to encourage. It should spur your future man onward, not remind him of the "shortcomings" you perceive because of your high school aspirations. In other words don't give your boy a custom made catchers mitt when you know good and well he doesn't share your interest in the sport.
At least some of the things should symbolize the responsibilities of being a man. A knife or firearm (most boys should be responsible at this age to maintain these items in a mature manner) would be representative of the responsibility to protect his family. If he is a camper like me a cast iron skillet (because those are awesome) would be a good symbol of his charge to serve and also to provide for others. Yes, it is manly to cook.
These are just my ideas based on what I've seen few others do. But regardless of how one goes about it we need to charge our boys with the desire for manliness. And manliness goes with Godliness. This isn't a thing that a church program should do but it should be supported by the church. This is a thing fathers should plan for their boys.
Lastly, if you haven't been a leader and mentor to your son there is nothing better than a humble father asking his children for forgiveness and looking to the example of our Lord for guidance.
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